real man of genius

I'm in an unsettling situation where I am getting paid full-time to do a research project but I'm still fuzzy about why (there are people who like their job, really?) or should I even be getting paid for this (I'm good enough to be paid, really?). I am not told what to do or how to spend my whole day, which leaves me to decide whatever I think must be learned. Knowing how scarce funding is in science (where I am anyway), I better be sure I'm worth the money they're investing.

There is this paradox. I guess in the end, the situation seemed calculated to result in me somehow being underpaid and overworked, but I'm being fooled into thinking I am free to do whatever I want and that I'm doing this for my own interest, but yet I am getting paid so it really is a job with expectations and the pressure to perform. Between the interest and pressure, I think the pressure is winning over and that is why I am making myself spend as much time as I can to know everything so that I may eventually reach the state where I don't feel bad anymore for taking their money and at the same time be a productive contributor to the lab.